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Post by zonkers on Aug 27, 2010 23:18:14 GMT
Life before Computers:Memory was something you lost with age,An application was for employment,A programme was a show on TV,A cursor was someone who swears a lot,A keyboard was a piano,A web was a spiders home,A virus was the flu,A hard drive was a long trip down the motorway, A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, And if you had a 3-inch floppy...well you just hoped and prayed no one found out.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2010 21:07:18 GMT
One of my friends put this on his Facebook status last night.......it made me gol so I thought I'd share it.
As a family we're trying 2 keep up with technology.. So I bought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and myself an iPad. I felt sorry for the wife so I bought her an iRon and that's when it all fuckin kicked off. What an ungrateful bitch. !
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2010 6:28:00 GMT
One of my friends put this on his Facebook status last night.......it made me gol so I thought I'd share it. As a family we're trying 2 keep up with technology.. So I bought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and myself an iPad. I felt sorry for the wife so I bought her an iRon and that's when it all fuckin kicked off. What an ungrateful bitch. ! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Genghis on Sept 15, 2010 12:22:27 GMT
Sounds painful. I've heard of lol but not gol. What's gol?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2010 17:53:08 GMT
Sounds painful. I've heard of lol but not gol. What's gol? It's the rectangular structure at each end of a football pitch.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2010 21:24:59 GMT
40 pikeys arrive at the Pearly Gates . St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying ‘I’ve got 40 travelers here. Can I let them in?' God says 'We are over quota on Pikeys. Tell them to choose between themselves the 12 most worthy and I will let a 12 in. Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone ...to God again. 'They've gone', he tells God. 'What?' says God, 'All of them?' No, the gates'
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2010 23:03:34 GMT
One day little Johnny hears a noise and peeks into his parents room to check it out. He finds his mum bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her, his dad sees Johnny and winks. Afterwards Dad goes to check on Johnny. He finds grandma bent over the dresser and Johnny going at it from behind her. Dad yells, "What are you doing???" to which Johnny winks and replies, "Not so funny when it's your mum is it?
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Post by zonkers on Nov 9, 2010 21:20:02 GMT
Woman sat at a bar in a club, she was fat & ugly, a man went up to her & said " have you got a pen " yes she replied, " well" he said "you want to get back in it before the farmer notices your'e missing"...
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Post by zonkers on Nov 19, 2010 10:54:05 GMT
Bloke walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm and walks up to the barman and says "can I just take 5 minutes to show your customers a quick trick"? "Ok" says the barman. So the guy puts the croc on a table, gets his cock out and puts it in the gaping mouth of the croc. He takes a big piece of wood from his back pocket and whacks the croc over the head 'bang'! and the croc never flinches and the croc's mouth stays open! "Whhoooo" scream the customers in the bar, "thats amazing" they shout. So the bloke with croc shouts out "does anyone else want a go"? This little old lady sat in the corner shouts "I'll give it a go - but don't whack me over the head as hard as you did that crocodile"!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2010 0:14:19 GMT
this is so great but you have to learn Swedish first though its a sketch in which this "reporter" (played comedian Sven Melander) asks a "random" girl (little Anna) at the school yard about what she most of all want to have (believing that all kids wants peace=. She starts to name things like a doll and the reporter starts to get annoyed when he doesn't receive the expected responses and he responds with no something better. Anna then continues to name things like a bicycle or a VCR and the reporter says something better and bigger that everyone needs. She then replies food but the reporter again says something better that usa and russia and the un are going to have talks about. Money she suggests and the reporter just gets more and more upset with her and says no no no, if solider would walk in and kill your mom and dad would you like that he asks? no she says and he responds with what is that then? WAR!! she replies and the reporter goes ballistic and says a couple of profanities and says but that is the thing we don't want, what is it that we want then? what is that what is that he repeats. Peace she (finally says) and as he pushes her out of the way he turns to the camera and "confirms" that peace on earth is what Swedish kids want to have most all things. www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcxwTgEC7IM
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Post by zonkers on Jan 9, 2011 21:01:39 GMT
Elton John was changing the nappy on his new son & turned to his husband,"He reminds me so much of you David" David says "Why, is it his cheeky little smile?"."No" says Elton. "Is it his cute little nose? "No" David says "Then it must be the colour of his eyes"."No" says Elton "He's got shit on his dick"
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Post by zonkers on Mar 16, 2011 22:41:42 GMT
Delivery man breaks down on M4 and flags down Paddy. He says to him, "I've got 6 monkeys in the back. I'll give you £100 if u'll take them 2 Bristol zoo for me". Paddy agrees. 2 hours later he sees Paddy driving the opposite way, with the monkeys still in the back! He flags him down and shouts across, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?" Paddy says, "I did, but I had £30 left so now I'm taking them to the pictures!"
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