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Post by zonkers on Aug 16, 2010 21:49:15 GMT
I bought a racehorse today! I've decided 2 call him "My Face". I don't care if it never wins a race, or makes me any money. I just wanna hear thousands of those fckin posh bitches at Ascot shouting ''Come On My Face!'
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Post by zonkers on Aug 16, 2010 21:50:01 GMT
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
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Post by zonkers on Aug 19, 2010 22:24:17 GMT
A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheepunder his arm & says"This is the pig i have to shag when your not up for sex"His wife replies "I think you'll find that's a sheep"He replies "I think you'll find i was talking to the sheep"
( I know it's old....but still funny ! ;D ;D ;D)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2010 9:10:08 GMT
A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheepunder his arm & says"This is the pig i have to shag when your not up for sex"His wife replies "I think you'll find that's a sheep"He replies "I think you'll find i was talking to the sheep" ( I know it's old....but still funny ! ;D ;D ;D) Any particular farmer in mind Zonkers? ;D
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Post by zonkers on Aug 20, 2010 9:21:45 GMT
A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheepunder his arm & says"This is the pig i have to shag when your not up for sex"His wife replies "I think you'll find that's a sheep"He replies "I think you'll find i was talking to the sheep" ( I know it's old....but still funny ! ;D ;D ;D) Any particular farmer in mind Zonkers? ;D
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Post by zonkers on Aug 21, 2010 10:01:31 GMT
A man driving down the road. a woman driving up the same road. they pass each other. man shouts out " F**KING BIG FAT COW" women yells out the window " F**KING WANKER" woman turns the corner and crashes into a huge cow and dies.....moral of the story is.....if only women would f**king listen.....!!!
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Post by zonkers on Aug 21, 2010 22:27:41 GMT
A man walks into a fishmongers carrying a salmon under his arm. “do you make fishcakes?” he asks.“Of course,” says the fishmonger.“oh good,” says the man, “its his birthday.”
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Post by zonkers on Aug 21, 2010 22:29:14 GMT
Boy in the bath with his mum "whats that mum?" Mum says "Thats where God hit me with the hatchet" Boy says "Jesus, right on the fookin fanny"
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Post by zonkers on Aug 21, 2010 22:30:09 GMT
Little girl taking a shower with her nan, points down and says what's that? Nan says that's my beaver. Next day the little girl is taking a shower with her mum and points down and says I know what that is, that's your beaver. Yes mum replies, how do you know that? Nan told me, but I think hers is dead cos it's tongue is hanging out
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Post by zonkers on Aug 21, 2010 22:33:20 GMT
A woman goes to the doctors and says "Doctor I am really worried, I have been taking steroids and I have seemed to have grown a Penis". The doctor says "Anabolic?" And the woman says "No, just a penis"
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Post by zonkers on Aug 21, 2010 22:33:44 GMT
A Blonde takes her broken car to the mechanic, "Nothing serious love, just shit in the air filter." she replies "Brilliant, how often do I have to do that?"
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2010 13:56:39 GMT
A Blonde takes her broken car to the mechanic, "Nothing serious love, just shit in the air filter." she replies "Brilliant, how often do I have to do that?" Good one
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2010 21:32:33 GMT
Teacher:Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?
Johnny answered:Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
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Post by zonkers on Aug 26, 2010 21:07:40 GMT
Gary Glitter is currently en route to Chile, apparently the news of 33 trapped & helpless minors was just too tempting to ignore....
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Post by zonkers on Aug 27, 2010 23:17:05 GMT
3 sisters,Ann,Jan & Fanny.All have big feet.Ann is size 9.Jan is size 10 and Fanny size 13. Ann & Jan go on a double date.Amazed one of the lad's say's "God youv'e got big feet!" Ann replies "Think they're big!! You should see our Fanny's,they're huge!"
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