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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2010 12:50:57 GMT
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr.. Smith about enlarging her breasts. Dr Smith advised her 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'
'Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock...."
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2010 12:51:22 GMT
I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night. Ungrateful bitch spat it out....
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2010 17:48:01 GMT
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Post by zonkers on May 6, 2010 21:02:22 GMT
3 students doing a psychology lesson. The 1st was asked "What's the opposite of joy?" She said "Sorrow." The 2nd was asked "What's the opposite of depression?" He said "Happiness." Then Paddy was asked "What's the opposite of woe?" He replied "Giddy up."
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Post by zonkers on Jun 4, 2010 20:37:46 GMT
Paddy tells Mick he's thinking of buying a labrador. "F**k off", says Mick..."have you seen how many of their owners go blind!"
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Post by zonkers on Jun 4, 2010 22:10:03 GMT
Nun goes into confessional & says to the priest, "l'm pregnant." He asks, how this could happen? She says, "l think it must be the 2nd coming." The priest, shocked by this reply asks, "what makes u think it was the 2nd coming?" She replied, "cos l swallowed the 1st."
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Post by zonkers on Jun 6, 2010 13:10:16 GMT
Apple have scrapped plans for a children's version of their popular hand-held device....apparently iTouch kids is not a good product name....
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:50:10 GMT
When David Beckham scores i drink Becks. When Paul Scholes scores i drink Skol. When Kenny Miller scores i drink Miller. Thank God David Seaman was a goalie.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:50:48 GMT
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned..... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before? 'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like Eric, the little bast*rd
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:51:07 GMT
Little lad and his dad walking past a park. Inside the park two dogs are bang at it. Little lad says to his dad " Hey dad, what are those two dogs doing?"
Dad says (all embarrassed) " Well you see son, the one on the back has got sore paws and the other one is giving him a lift home"
Lad says "Always the same isn't it dad"
Dad says "Whats that son?"
Lad says "Do somone a favour and you end up getting f"cked".
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:51:22 GMT
My wife's just like Heather Mills. She only wears half the fucking shoe's she buys...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:51:44 GMT
My wife told me I was selfish in bed....I almost choked on my own Cock...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:52:11 GMT
BREAKING NEWS!! a irish farmer has successfuly grown a field full of dildos. now they has problems with squatters!!!!!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:52:27 GMT
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired MARINE, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married"
She said, "Yes, that's right.. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and said; "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said;
" Mission Accomplished."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 11:52:51 GMT
Nun goes into confessional & says to the priest, "l'm pregnant." He asks, how this could happen? She says, "l think it must be the 2nd coming." The priest, shocked by this reply asks, "what makes u think it was the 2nd coming?" She replied, "cos l swallowed the 1st."
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