An Ethical Dilemma

[Deleted]

I've pretty much abandoned the hope of getting a decent discussion going on a certain Forum not in a Galaxy a million miles away from here, where I'm drowned out by the clamour of 6000 posters (well actually about 100) all shouting "Look at Me!" so I'm gonna unburden here.
A close M8 of mine, current or former flat mate (not sure at the moment), mid-forties, known him for years, rehabilitated Smack Freak now chronic Marijuana User and Closet Alcoholic is causing me concern.
He's never been a big eater. a few weeks ago he got stressed out at work, came home with a Migraine then after a big binge developed the 'Flu. Over the next fortnight he wasted before me eyes - he was skinny to start with now he's positively Auschwitz, with a jaundiced tinge that shouts out "Liver failure".
Meself and his close pals have all been onto him to eat; go see the Quack; tell his Boss what's up but no - he knows better. Over the past 7 days I've been almost unable to talk to him as I get upset looking at how he's deteriorated.
Now he's bought himself a decent pair of Boots and gone off on a Road Trip - hitching or bussing I don't know - to revisit the places of his past. I get the funny feeling I'll never see him again. Don't forget we're a long way from anywhere up here - he's that sick he could die by the side of the road.
I respect his decision to be responsible for his own actions but I'm so pissed off he won't look after himself; instead he seems to have made his mind up and wants to die.
I've always been a Dylan Thomas fan -

"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

- and am having trouble coming to terms with his actions. I don't know if I'm searching for absolution or what - any ideas?

[Deleted]

Not a lot you can do as you don't know where he is. You obviously care about him, and if he needs help he knows you will give it. That I'm afraid is all you can do.
Never easy, doing nothing but I can't see you have an alternative.

[donsking]

Maybe he has already been to the quack and knows he's going to die.

And maybe he would rather go out in the bush somewhere, than be surrounded by people fiddling, fussing and being generally sympathetic and/or wringing their hands about how he should've looked after himself better.

I suppose it's fair to say most people don't get a choice about how and where they die, perhaps this is his prefered way to check out.

Or maybe he's divorcing himself from normal life, removing temptation and opportunity, and you will see him again in a couple of months, clean and rejuvenated.

[jimblanchard]

Morning Dave, (actually it still night here..)

You care for this guy but he has to do what he has to do mate.

He might find some sort of consolation to his problems and he might not. Its not for you to worry too much. Sounds like you have done your best.

If he wants to die and all the reasons we/you want him to live means nothing to him there is little we can do. Does he have a family or kids? Anyone apart from your good self (and thanks for bringing his situation to our attention which took some courage in itself?) that can make him realise how devastated they will be if he does?

Lets hope the 'experience' will help him decided that life is precious and his contribution to it is important.

[schumi]

Very sorry you have to see this Dave, but I honestly can't see what you can do. Just be there with him if he wants you to, and try to understand that not everyone is able to deal with things the way we think best.

[Deleted]

Seems your fucked if you do & fucked if you don't, but imo for what it is worth, if you do get to see your m8 before it's too late, you got to get him to the quack or hospital, if he wants to die, then I reckon you & his m8s should be there to see him off, rather than expiring in some dingy shithole all alone.
Sorry for your plight .
fog

[Deleted]

Ta for your answers and your concern - I'm off down the beach with the Dogs and a large crudely-rolled Herbal Ciggie, maybe that'll help- can't hurt!!

[Deleted]

Does Kate Moss know he,s in Ozzie.

[donsking]

So, without wishing to appear in any way harsh, your response to your predicament about your drug abusing mate who's gone walkabout, is to go for a walk and a spliff............

The ironic bit of my sense of humour sees a definite funny side to that.

[Deleted]

Dave, you done all you can mate - you've offered to help and I've no doubt if he came back tomorrow and asked for it - you'd give it.

A man has to do what a man has to do - whatever he's chosen to do, assuming his mind's ok, you have to respect.

Oh yeah, and respect to you for being there for him if he wants it!!

[Deleted]

Think everyone is giving sound advice Dave, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped no matter how much you try.

Don't let it play on your concience, I'm sure he knows his mates are there if he needs/wants them.

Now go roll ya self a big bifta and chill man.

[Deleted]

donsking said:

So, without wishing to appear in any way harsh, your response to your predicament about your drug abusing mate who's gone walkabout, is to go for a walk and a spliff............

The ironic bit of my sense of humour sees a definite funny side to that.

M8, you've gotta see the bright side of everything, eh? Always been one of my failings and I can't see me changing!

(The walk and spliff seemed to do the job, maaaaaaaan!)

Like a fair few on here my glass is always half-full rather than half-empty.

(I could have put that better as well!)

[jimblanchard]

bigfatdave said:

donsking said:

So, without wishing to appear in any way harsh, your response to your predicament about your drug abusing mate who's gone walkabout, is to go for a walk and a spliff............

The ironic bit of my sense of humour sees a definite funny side to that.

M8, you've gotta see the bright side of everything, eh? Always been one of my failings and I can't see me changing!

(The walk and spliff seemed to do the job, maaaaaaaan!)

Like a fair few on here my glass is always half-full rather than half-empty.

(I could have put that better as well!)

Anyways Dave I have to agree with DK on this but whatever - now you have told us all about your friend I think you should keep us informed on this forum. You owe us that at least..

Jimbo

[Deleted]

No worries Jimbo. I just got a message from one of my Lady friends that she copped a phone call about 0130hrs from him; sounding as sick as and on a bus heading back to Darwin - we're gonna pick him up this arvo when he gets in and take him to Royal Darwin Hospital (No Matter What!). I might have to miss out on the World Barefoot Mudcrab-tying Championship at the Parap Hotel but so be it.
I'm a bit of an emotional wreck ATM; gotta get a new hobby as I'm sick of burying me m8s (edit: specially when they're still alive!).
The perfect BFD solution - Chilli Garlic Prawns in Beer Batter!

[Deleted]

Dave

I'm a nurse and have seen people do this kind of thing before. It's kind of like a gut reaction to 'run away' from the reality that you are very very sick. Eventually you realise that dying alone isn't all it's cracked up to be and in fact you'd rather be with your family and/or friends. The best thing a mate can do is just be there no matter what - and to let him know that too!

Enjoy your prawns.....